Just Be

Last night I had a callback audition for the lead part in "Humble Boy" at Ross Valley Players. The character is my age, has a similar level of education and I resonate with certain aspects of his emotional life. He also stutters, which is something that I did as a child and occasisonally do in extremely emotional situations. In otherwords, the character wasn't too far from myself. There was very little to hang on to to create an external shell. I had to really let myself just be. Of course, being at an audition ads this extra pressure of feeling you have to do something, to show the director your skills, talents, emotions, etc. I fought against that inclination.

The director let a lot of people go after the first round. Maybe ten of us were left for a second round. The energy of the room settled and I started to relax into the character and script. Finally, in the fourth and final scene that I read, I was just being. I barely felt like I was acting, but the centeredness in my body, connection with my partner and emotional responsiveness was clear and real. It was one of the simplist acting experiences I have ever had. This was a real triumph for me and one that I hope I can continue to build on. And ironically, one of the lines my partner said was, "Don't you get it, I'm giving you an opportunity just to be." Art and life, they are so closely intertwined with lessons for living.